I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
