And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
