Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
