when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
