I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my being single is dangerous.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
