I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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