we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
