Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
