U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
