i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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