You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
