So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
