I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
