hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize