then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
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There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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