then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize