Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
