you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
