Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize