just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
