Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So apparently I’m into choking now
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