atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
