Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
