Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
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girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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