If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
