You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
