I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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