Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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