I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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