She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
