the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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