batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
