Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
