Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
