Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
