a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
