I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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