Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
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They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
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I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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