True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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