In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
