There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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