Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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