Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You are a genius and a whore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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