she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
sex in a hospital.. check
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
