I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
