it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
