you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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