redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
