Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We were destined to go to rehab together
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
