I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
