But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
