So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
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Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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