He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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