I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
