i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
