My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
