nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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