i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
someone owes me an orgasm
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
