I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
