The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
