Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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