I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
