i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
