I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
