Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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